.:Meditation:.

More often than not we all get caught up in our worries about the future–whether it’s about our children, finances, or upcoming projects due in the office.  And I think too, we get lost in our regrets of the past– things we didn’t do, forgot to do, or simply things we did wrong. 

That’s why meditation is such a critical component to life.  The reflective parts of our life– is very similar to prayer. It really facilitates awareness in the “here and now” moments.  Enabling us to feel free and relaxed.  And actually (just a side note) meditation is probably more important in this day and age, because of our exposure to technology.  We are multi-tasking now more than ever before and it’s hindering our brains from fully processing and focusing.  Basically our attention spans are down right shitty.  Don’t you think? Mine sure is. 

 

There are numerous values I want McKinley and Cora to learn, but the truth is– I need to practice and refresh my own meditative state on many of these values in order to teach them properly.  So, I’m going to dedicate each day for the next 6 weeks to a particular value or moral idea and meditate about them. I will be writing about my process and reflective states– if you would like to join along please do!  And make sure to comment below on your own journey.

And, If you haven’t already, please check out my mediation cards (made to order) in my etsy shop for your own personal deck of meditation cards by clicking here ThingsByG 

   

~g 

One thing at a time.  

It’s days like yesterday when I miss dad the most.  The long grey-color-pallet days of winter and the feeling of 1,000 things gone wrong. Just wrong. All my mistakes and shortcomings and the mistakes and shortcomings of others.

I just need to talk to him. “Dad, I’m having a hard time,” but that’s not actually what I would say.  

It would be a phone call and he would pick up, “Gorrrrdita!” rolling out the “r” for an exaggerated effect. (I forget how, where, and when that nickname actually came to be). His excitement to hear from me is warming, but my heart accelerates and my breath is heavy–

“Hey Dad,” with an exhale.  

“What’s goin’ on?” he says casually to not be presumptuous. But come on–he knows. He always knows. The wooshing wind from his rolled down window distracts me.  No matter what season it is his window is down and  he’s driving—always driving.  

“I dunno. Not much,” I mumble. 

“Uh-huh, well don’t put too much stalk into what other people say.”

“I know.  It’s just…I know. You’re right dad.”

He continues, “Seriously Don’t let other people dictate things for you.  Fuck em.” 

Dad had a way of making things seem OK again. I remember a night 3 years ago after the birth of McKinley.  My anxiety level was at a new high.

I called to talk to mom first, because they worked best as a team.  

“What’s the matter?” mom asks softly. 

Working through my sniffles, “I don’t know if I can do this. It’s too much.” 

“Oh Georgia, of course you can.  I know It’s not easy–trust me!  But, you are going to be an amazing mother.” 

Then dad.

“What’s goin’ on?”

“I don’t think I’m ready for this.” 

“Well, shit–you never are.” 

“What am I gonna do when she’s 15? How am I supposed to teach her right from wrong?” 

“Well, just take it one thing at a time. Don’t think about 15…She’s not even 1 month.  Every age and stage is different.  Don’t think or worry about it until you get there.”

I also miss dad on days like today– when the sun is finally starting to break through. When something happy happens and you get that good news

We’re moving into our first home. No extended family this time.  Just our immediate family unit. 4 elements under 1 roof.  And a dog. 

Dad would have embraced me in his tight hug, kissed my forehead, and whispered, “I’m so proud of you kiddo.”  And, he would have said that on my worst days too. 





My Digital Detox

I didn’t need another gluten free diet or UltraClear detox.  I needed a digital detox.  A virtual cleanse from the Web World.  And, it was an amazing journey.

I was checking Facebook status updates every 10 minutes. Checking Instagram photo feeds. Taking pictures of my own, editing, then posting them. Reading blogs. Creating blog posts. Reading NPR news. Looking at Birchbox videos. Youtube videos. Facebook videos. Twitter feeds.

Ahh! You get the point.

I needed a new kind of ‘reality check.’   I swear, you can legitimately lose yourself in the Web World. I know, because I did.  I became someone who cared more about looking at a screen than having a conversation.  I became more sedentary.  And more irritable.

At night it was mostly the television. First, I would put McKinley to bed, and then turn on the TV. Real Housewife trash. And I was addicted. Disturbingly to the point where someone would ask me a question and it would annoy me if it wasn’t commercial time. Seriously? How sad is that?  Yeah, definitely a low point.

I started feeling lost.  And NOT connected.  Facebook and Instagram and all these other social media devices portray this illusion of a collective ‘connectedness,’ but the more you indulge– the more alone you become.  I was desperate for conversation and human interaction. I wanted to feel alive again.  So, I began my digital detox.

 

  • First, I deleted most of my apps from my iPhone.  This way, I wouldn’t have immediate access to social media at any point at any time.
  • Second, I initiated new interactions with my husband.  We started playing card games at night and reading together.
  • Third, I now leave my phone upstairs in my bedroom for most of the day and night.  The only time I have my phone with me is if I am ‘out and about.’  Periodically I will check my phone for missed calls and respond to text messages.
  • Forth, I decided to watch specific television shows–and limit my television time to those shows.  Right now, it’s Survivor and Parenthood.
  • Fifth, I tried to only used the computer to check Facebook once a day and respond to emails.
  • Sixth, I completely stopped blogging.
  • Seventh,  I allowed myself to still look at and post to Instagram.  However, I did not attach my photos to other social medias.

It was a well worth it experience.

  • I was able to connect closer to my husband
  • Spend more quality time with McKinley
  • Be more present in the world
  • Realize the importance of doing a digital detox
  • Appreciate the small things again
  • Become more active
  • Understand the slippery slope to social media
  • Best of all…I was able to get back to my roots…back to being me.

I think this is an awesome exercise.  Try out some of these methods for 1 week-monitoring your social media and screen time.  What can you learn from doing this? And do you think you’ll notice any differences?

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“An Unexamined Marriage”

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A sort of miracle happened today. I was able to watch my wedding.

What you don’t know is that for the past two years, over two years actually, I have tried to watch our wedding DVD’s.  They were in a .mov file format.  I tried watching them on different MAC computers and PC computers.  I tried converting the files and I’ve even spent time talking with professionals. You name it– I’ve tried it.  And, the outcome was always the same.  You could only listen to the audio.

Today I had a thought. I wonder if my wedding DVD’s will work now that I have iDVD on my computer. 

So, I popped in the DVD’s and sure enough there was picture!  I was finally able to watch my wedding!  And do you know what clip popped up first?

My father’s speech.

“The unexamined marriage is not worth living.”
“Live your lives together and try to transform yourself, but the one thing you don’t want to do… is try to change each other.”
“Transform yourself, never try to change your best friend.”  

These words come at such important timing in my life. Mainly because, my husband and I are working on transforming ourselves. Sometimes, it’s not easy.  Actually, it’s never easy.  And as you work on becoming a better person, the marriage is something that needs to be examined. The transformation of a marriage never comes from changing someone else, but changing yourself.

Most of the time in marriages, partnerships, and relationships in general–individuals can always pinpoint and point fingers at what the other is doing “wrong.”  But, true and honest growth comes from within each of us.  To be able to take responsibility for our own actions, thoughts, and behaviors.  To forgive. To acknowledge. To apologize. And, to become.

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The First Snow

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McKinley enjoyed Ohio’s first snowfall of the season.
*Made her first snow angel,
*Threw snow in the air,
*Made footprints everywhere,
*Tasted friendly snowflakes,
*Rolled around in the snow, and
*Threw snowballs!

I enjoyed the first snowfall as well.

The first snow,
Always gorgeous.
Smooth and dusted.
White, Like Heaven.
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Snow angels!
Snowmen, snowball fights
And sledding!
Tasting snowflakes.
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Winter’s Coming.
Again the Cold.
Lights in trees, and
Candles too.
Hot Cocoa.
Chocolates.
Then, weight gain.
But, holiday meals are
My favorite and naps,
Under cozy blankets,
With a fire burning.
Darkness comes early.
And then,
Quiet still nights settle in.
Glistening white,
The first snow.

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